Confessions and Deaths
by Rasi10
Summary: Takes place after the fall. John confesses his feelings to Sherlock in a fit one day. Will it be returned or will he be rejected? Find it out inside.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Takes place after the fall**

It was a year since Sherlock had returned. It had been the the happiest year for John, being with Sherlock, loving him with all his heart, even though he knew it would never be reciprocated. He was just content with the way things were.

It was just another day in 221B. John was sitting down in his couch, typing on his blog about the most recent cases John and Sherlock had been while Sherlock was in his mind palace nearby.

There was no other noise around except for the occasional sound of a finger pressing a key on the keyboard. "Can you just stop that for a while! It is distracting me John" Sherlock snapped, angry at the noise disturbing him.

"Sorry Sherlock. I am trying to write about the recent cases here" John said, continuing to type.

"What is so important about that useless blog that you do John! It's just a waste of time." Sherlock said and stormed off, not once glancing back at John, who was almost close to tears.

'Just when I started to enjoy writing it. What is his problem if I write the blog? It is mostly about the cases anyways. I know it is not that interesting or popular but it gives me some kind of distraction and peace from my feelings towards him. What is the use of writing it if he doesn't want it' John thought as he headed upstairs, feeling dejected.

The rest of the night, he couldn't sleep at all. All he could think about was how he had upset Sherlock and how upset he was at what Sherlock had said. But he couldn't do anything but love him knowing that he wouldn't be loved back in the same way. He had cried himself to sleep with those thoughts in mind early in he morning.

He next day, he woke up late and dragged himself to the kitchen, eyes still red and puffy from crying all night and replaying the death of Sherlock hadn't done any good to him, all it had done was leave him grumpy and mad due to the lack of sleep.

"Morning John" Sherlock said as John entered the kitchen. John just decided to ignore him and went on to make himself some tea. Maybe that would help him a little. After finishing the tea, he came and sat down on his couch, only to notice that Sherlock was glancing at him often with...was that guilt?

"Are you alright John?" Sherlock asked, concern lacing his voice. "I'm fine" John replied curtly, not wanting to talk right then, lest he snapped at Sherlock.

"I can see that you are not alright John. Look at me. Is this about the blog argument we had yesterday?" Sherlock asked, with slight guilt and concern lacing his voice.

"Just leave me alone for sometime Sherlock. I will be fine" John said, trying to control the grumpiness from seeping into his voice, failing miserably as Sherlock knelt down and tilted John's head so that he would see him.

"You know that you can talk to me about anything right? I can clearly see that something is bothering you a lot John. If it is about the blog... know that I never really meant it you know. I totally love your blog but I snapped because I was well... in a bad mood. I really enjoy your blog Johnny boy." Sherlock said, smiling slightly at John.

"I don't want to talk about it right now Locky boy. You won't understand it and... you won't want me after that." John said, looking at Sherlock, mesmerised by the chiseled face and blue eyes laced with confusion and concern.

Sherlock though didn't notice John staring, nor took the hint of not wanting to talk right then or that John was at the point of snapping. "You haven't been the same after I had returned John. What happened to you? Had I upset you in any way?" Sherlock asked, genuinely confused.

"Can you not understand when I said you not to talk right now? Nothing is wrong with you Sherlock. Everything is wrong with me only! You want to know that problem Sherlock? You are the problem. I am TOTALLY AND MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU! That is the problem. Happy?" John said and rushed outside, unshed tears making his eyes sparkle, leaving a shocked Sherlock back at the flat.

John totally felt mad and upset with himself for snapping at Sherlock when he seemed genuinely concerned about what was wrong with him. 'Well... no he won't want me with him now that I have confessed my feelings to him. What is the use of turning back now?' he thought, silently crying as he went to his sister's place.

Contrary to the popular belief, the two siblings were very close, almost inseparable actually and had planned on this hate and drinking act so that no one will target Harriet in order to lure John. "It is time Harry. It has to be now or never." was all John said to Harry for her to understand what was going to happen.

Two months before, Sherlock had been handed over a case, which had revealed the fact that Moriarty had a parallel organisation that had begun working with Sebastian Moran as its head and that this organisation was much larger than Moriarty's original one.

Sherlock had refused to cooperate to take down this organisation too after all the suffering he had to go through (Not that he told this to John, John understood this.)

Sherlock had been stubborn to help with this as long as John was in danger. So John took up the...responsibility of being Sherlock's motivator and he had the opening he had wanted now. He had only wanted to confess his feelings to Sherlock before going to his death and he knew the time had come.

"Hope it won't hurt him bad when I do this. You understood the plan right? It should not mess up else we will be in a big soup even if I come back alive or go into a coma. I need to die" John said, stressing on need to die.

Meanwhile Sherlock was stunned back in 221B, he blinked twice before he got his voice back to call out to John but realised he had long gone. So he sat back down to sort out his feelings.

He was slightly upset that John had snapped at him and also said that he had loved him and that was the problem. How long had this been or did he Sherlock reciprocate the feelings of John? He didn't know.

He was the first person to care for him, his only best friend who he could be a little open, the only one who didn't judge him, the only one who had put up with him... now that he thought about it, he was attracted and genuinely interested about John from the day they had met.

It was then he realised that he had been in love with John from day one. The pangs of separation when he had faked his death was the love and loss of John, he realised. He looked up at the clock.

'Shit! It's been two hours since he had stormed out and hadn't come back. What if...' Sherlock thought as his eyes widened at the last thought. He immediately took out his phone and dialed John's number, praying that he would pick it up

With each ring that passed, Sherlock's panic increased. He dialed again only to have no response. So he tried to message him.

 _John. I really need to talk to you ~ SH_

 _John are you Alright? ~ SH_

 _Pick up or at least answer he damn messages please Johnny boy ~ SH_

Suddenly the phone rang up out of the blue, the caller id said that it was an unknown number. Fearing the worst, Sherlock picked up the phone and answered it.

"Hello? This is Sherlock Holmes speaking" he said in a monotonous voice, not wanting to show his fear. "Um... you are surely Sherlock right? I am John's sister Harry and um... he came over to my home after some fight and left me something before he said he was going back to the flat and will contact me from there..." Harry said, her voice suddenly shaking.

"No Harry. He hasn't come home yet. When did he leave?" Sherlock asked. "About an hour ago mostly. He told me he will contact me after reaching and I was worried because he should've co e back by now even if there was traffic" she said.

"Dont worry Harry.I am sure he would be fine. I will of look out for him immediately though, incase something happened" Sherlock said and cut off the call, grabbing his coat to head outside when there was a ping on his phone, which just said 'I have John', sending shivers up his spine.

After a tense few minutes for any reply from the unknown person, he got a call, this time from John.

 _Sherlock_ John's voice said in a slight edge.

 _Yes John? Where are you? I was so worried. I..._ Sherlock said, slightly relieved.

 _Just shut up and listen to me Sherlock. I know that you might hate me now and all but I really love you Sherlock. I contacted Harry and told her to deliver something to you during my funeral if I die._

Why is this guy talking like he was going to die soon? Sherlock thought, dread filling his gut.

 _You won't die John. I won't let anything happen to you._ He said, desperately trying to wash out the feeling of John going to die soon.

 _There is nothing you can do this time Sherlock. It's all over now. Just listen to me. I don't have much time left Sherlock. Sebastian is having me captive and I know he will kill me soon._

Don't keep saying that John. I will die along with you if you die... Sherlock thought.

 _Just try to move on from me and live out your life Sherlock. I will miss you and I love you._

 _I love..._ Sherlock started to say when there was a sudden gunshot and he heard the phone fall down and seconds later, a body falling down.

"John! John! You cannot hang up and die on me like that John! I love you John!" Sherlock cried out as he clutched the phone as if it was he life line.

"The perfect revenge Sherlock. Hope you enjoyed it" Sebastian said and cackles before hanging up and tossing the phone.

"Happy birthday to you John" Sherlock muttered as he cried his heart out for the first time in years. He had just found his love and he is snatched away from him. Life is cruel.

Two weeks later, the funeral was conducted. At the end of it, Harry came towards Sherlock and hands him a letter and a box. "John told me to give it to you if he died and die he did. That idiot. Knew it all the time and hinted it to me and never caught it on until the last moment" Harry said and patted Sherlock before leaving the grave.

As the last man standing, Sherlock just stood still there, contemplating what he should say before just saying. I love you John Hamish Watson and I will always love you till the end, no one else. You took my heart with you the day you died idiot. You are the best person I'd ever met" he said with silent tears and left.

After he got to the flat, he opened the letter. It said

 _ **Dearest Sherlock,**_

 _ **If you get this letter, then I would've died some way (I don't think it will be suicide though) and left this world. And I think I would've said that I loved you. And that is true Sherlock I am guy for you.**_

 _ **If you don't feel the same way, don't be mad at me and know that I I am still your best friend Sherlock. Me loving you doesn't change anything between us.**_

 _ **If you do feel the same way, open the box and look into it. I'm sure I that you will like it. K ow that my death is not your fault and that you are the craziest, arrogant, intelligent and handsome person I've ever met. Do not change it or think any other way.**_

 _ **Oh and as my final wish, try to continue my blog and keep in touch with my sister as she was very close to me, even though she had her problems.**_

 _ **And number two, please take down that stupid Sebastian Moron and his stupid Web as the last time you refused to do it because of me. Ask for the Jacksons if you take help from the military. They will help you a lot.**_

 _ **Goodbye Sherlock.**_

 _ **I love you always and always,**_

 _ **John Watson.**_

Sherlock was reduced to tears as he finished reading the letter. He soon dried them out and stood up. He then glanced at the box and opened it, curious on what John had wanted to give him. The contents completely surprised him.

In there was a promise ring from John that had the inscription Johnlock always. There was also a note along with it that read:

 _ **If you have opened this box, then it is true that you love me too. Sorry if you weren't able to tell it to me before I died. Though I promise with this ring that I will always be by your side, alive or dead. Don't die on me.**_

 _ **I love you a lot Sherlock**_

 _ **John.**_

Sherlock wiped his tears as he slid on the ring in his hand and stared at the perfect platinum band with a small ruby and emarald. He stood up and thought 'The game is on then. Sebastian, you are soo dead for messing with me and John.'

 **A/N: Turns out that he is neither accepted nor rejected. John died before he is accepted or rejected. And yes, John knew he was going to die, that was the reason he stayed up the night before if you are wondering.**

 **Hope you all liked it! (I know that the ending was a bit evil but I had to do it). All comments and criticism accepted and appreciated.**

 **Thank you all for reading!**

 **Rasi10 signing off**

 **Published on 21 May 2018**


	2. Chapter 2

****A/N: I felt the need to explain John's Death. Maybe John is alive or maybe not. Find out later on.****

It had been exactly 3 years since John had died, 3 years since Sherlock had realised his feelings for John, a month since Sebastian's network had been destroyed to the core. Everyone had gathered at 221B for the usual mourning of the departure of a dear friend and love.

The usual group had been assembled - Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Greg Lestrade, Molly Hooper, Mrs. Hudson, Mike Stamford and of course Richard, Regina and James Jackson. All of them were sitting around and having drinks for both the victory party and John's death anniversary.

James suddenly stood up and caught everyone's attention at the sudden movement. "Ok there people. Before we go on to the speeches...I would like to say something here" he said as he looked over at his siblings for reassurance and then turned back to the group.

"This is more of a confession and I would like to apologise for whatever I am going to say in advance... but I did... no we did everything for a reason and nothing would've changed my mind." James said and paused, looking at everyone in the eye to make sure they got the point.

"Firstly... the Jacksons and Watsons are not two different families... we are all the same family. Before any of you get angry here, we would like to clear out that we had been as genuine to you as we could from the orders we had received." Richard said as he looked at put off expressions from everyone.

"And we assure you that the names we are under are also not false. It is just a long story that must stay within this room and cannot go out of it. Am I clear?" Regina asked and everyone nodded, finally getting a feeling that the mystery of the Jacksons will be cleared.

"I will start with myself then. You would understand the whole story only after you have heard my story. I am Richard Jackson... but my birth name is Harry Watson, younger brother of John Watson and James Jackson, the twin of Harriet Watson." Richard or rather Harry Watson said and looked around at the group gaping at him.

"I know John always said that he only had an alcoholic sister and she wanted to be called Harry... but it was an agreement between us to be like that. Anyways... I had been given away to a couple who had given birth to a still born so... I am legally a Watson - Jackson. Clear until now?" Harry asked and everyone nodded, not knowing what to say at the revealation.

"Good. Now I think you guys know me better as Harriet Watson rather than Regina Jackson, which was the name I only used for the military. John and I ran away from home, shortly after mum died when I was about 11 years old, John was 13 at that time. We settled down with the Jacksons and I used that surname to get into the military." Harriet said.

As Harry and Harriet had been narrating, Sherlock had been looking at James, his eyes shined with hope, hoping that it might be John, who had faked his death for some reason he couldn't tell anyone.

"Anyways. All the three of us had joined the military and Harry and I served in the military for 3 years before we were given undercover missions and therefore we split up. John was in the military until invalided, I had to be the alcoholic, which totally sucked but was necessary to gather information and Harry was a therapist/ bartender/ doctor... I guess you could recognise him fro somewhere Sherlock?" Harriet asked.

Sherlock stared at Harry, who had removed the green contacts he had been wearing to reveal his hazel eyes, that looked exactly like John's. "The one who did the blood tests to confirm the identity of the body right? To confirm John's identity?" Sherlock guessed.

" Got it right there Sherlock. It is I who did those tests and all... it pained me to do it but... it had to be done in the end. And sorry in advance incase you want to murder off James but it had to be done." Harry said and James glared at him at giving out his game as he caught the look of recognition on both Mycroft and Sherlock.

"Wait a moment there. You are saying as if we'd reach badly if we knew the identity of James which means we know him very well and we could be angry only if it was either a person who had disappeared for a long while or..." Sherlock trailed off, his eyes wide at the notion.

"... or if the person had been dead in everyone's eyes" Mycroft said as the others stared at James with wide eyes, gasping in shock as everyone caught on with what Sherlock was tying to convey.

" Finally deduced it Sherlock? I thought you would've figured it out sooner with all the clues right in front of your eyes for 3 years unlike you who disappeared without any clue. Yes I am John Watson people. I picked up the name Jackson after I faked my death." John said as he looked around the room.

The reactions were obvious... mostly. Mrs. Hudson rushed over to John and hugged him with a death grip before releasing him, only for Molly to react the same way. Lestrade on the other hand came over and punched him hard in the gut and broke his nose before bringing him into a hug. Mycroft just patted his back, telling him that it was a great trick.

Sherlock was the last to come over. He slowly walked over to of John, trying to grasp the reality of John being alive and pulled him into a fierce kiss, letting out all the grief and sorrow accumulated in the 3 years, tears of joy and relief escaping his eyes at John being alive.

John kissed him back just as fiercely, letting out the frustration he had held in for 3 years of being close to the one he loved and unable to do anything to help him. Just as suddenly as the kiss started, Sherlock broke it to punch John hard in the gut.

"Don't. Ever. Do. It. Again" he said, punctuating each word with a slap. John said laughed and and said "I love you too Sherlock. I'm just glad no one murdered me right now. I missed you too. Want to know how I pulled up my death?" he asked as he pulled off his disguise.

Now everyone were listening with rapt attention. "The whole plan came up after you first came to Sherlock about Moran Mycroft. The time when Sherlock refused to help in exposing Sebastian so that he doesn't target anyone like last time?" John asked and everyone nodded.

"I had asked Harry and Harriet here to collect more information about him when you said about the case to Sherlock. That was also when I was asked by the military to come back for temporary service. Unlike what you all think, I was an on call soldier and had been called back to assist on the Moran case. Got the story until now?" John asked and everyone nodded.

"Wait... why was the army on this case?" Lestrade asked, confused. "Well... Sebastian had been in the army before he was caught and thrown out of it when he was caught smuggling arms. And then he joined Moriarty, took over his web and expanded it to the extent that he was the backbone of many terrorist groups that the army had been on the tail of" Harriet said.

"So... what threatened John here to fake his death?" Molly asked. "The fact that the military called me back to service and the fact that I had to convince Sherlock to work on the case. Oh and also the fact that he threatened to harm the people I loved" John said.

"So basically like me then?" Sherlock asked, looking at John, who nodded. "How did you fake it though? Even the tests were positive?" Mycroft asked. The siblings chuckled at the clueless faces around them. "Not to mention the fact that the gunshot and all heard through the phone was realistic" Sherlock said.

"Those were realistic because they were real Sherlock. After the first time Sebastian threatened to harm you guys, we made the plan. That was a month before I faked my death. I had one patient who was on his death bed and we roped him into the plan. We did a full make over for him so that he exactly looked like me and sent him to that moron" John explained.

"And... who was that man John?" Mrs. Hudson asked. "A fellow soldier fighting the last stage of cancer. We gave him a voice modulator to make him sound like John and everyone believed it easily, it was flawless I must say. And then it was the soldier, who was coincidentally named John who was shot and died." Harry elaborated.

"The blood tests? I helped you in confirming them... didn't I?" Sherlock enquired. "You never noticed me switching the samples Sherlock. I had a sample of John's hair before hand and so I exchanged the samples when you didn't notice. As simple as that." Harry shrugged as the others stared at them, jaws dropped.

"And you never seemed to pick up the clues we dropped at you. We also specifically mentioned that John loved to fake his death when he served the army remember? Went missing for days together and popping out of nowhere all of a sudden?" Harriet asked.

"And also the fact that James had accidental slip ups, the way he always stayed near you, just like John... it was pretty obvious you know. You just didn't catch it up" Harry continued.

"The media is going to have a field day when they come to know of your return. And that means more press conferences for me" Lestrade muttered and groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance. "That will be put off for quite some time Greg. Don't worry about it. After all... I am still James right now." John said.

"Well... welcome back home then. Are you finally resigning or... still on call?" Mycroft asked, eyebrows raised. "Well... all three of us are still on call unfortunately Myc. But it is long shot for the military to call us anytime soon. Don't worry about that." Harry replied.

"Good. Because I don't want to lose you anytime soon John." Sherlock said as he hugged John closer. "And... when are we expecting the announcement Sherlock? John?" Mrs. Hudson asked. "Well... we will inform you when the time comes, Mrs. Hudson" John replied.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen. A small toast to the man who returned before we leave the love birds alone. To the man who returned" Harriet said and they had a long drink and soon, the gusts left after a lot of congratulations and thank yous.

"I am glad that you are back John" Sherlock murmured after everyone left. "And I am glad that you know I am alive. I couldn't stand the pain you felt when I faked my death" John whispered back. "Guess that makes us even" Sherlock said and leaned forward to kiss John. The rest that happened can be left to your imagination.

 ** **A/N: I was seriously not planning to do this part but after some thinking, I decided to write this anyways. So the two did get together in the end. Anyways... Hope you all liked it! All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated.****

 ** **Thank you all for reading!****

 ** **Rasi10 signing off****

 **Published ON 13 June 2018**


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